Barely Blink

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Boehner’s Politics—A Crying Game

What the fuck? Is politics in Washington, DC becoming a Crying Game? Speaker, John Boehner shed tears when he succeeded Speaker, Nancy Pelosi back in January 2011 to become the Republican Speaker of the House of Representatives. He cried again, just yesterday, when Congresswomen Gabrielle Gifford, who suffered a gunshot wound last year at the hands of a would-be assassin, resigned from public office.

Could someone change the channel from Days of Our Lives to Reality TV for Boehner? He should be crying over the nations 8.5 unemployment rate, or, the fact that folks like Mitt Romney are earning $42 million a year.

Somebody needs to throw Boehner’s ass a handkerchief, because he will Barely Blink and very much need it when President Obama is re-elected, and the Democrats take possession of the House once again in November.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

The Big Bad Housing Police

I am not sure that I understand the reason for Housing Authority Police, especially the part where they pull you over while driving.

With both hands on the staring wheel, she seemed like a driver stuck in traffic encumbered by the aftermath of a college football game. Humdrum, she waited for the cinnamon bun eating law enforcer to issue a citation.

What is the charge? I wondered. Did she leave the dishwasher on? Forgot to pay a utility bill? Left the cat on the balcony? Burned some water? And, why do we need Housing Authority Police for this? What happen to the regular State or County police?

“You are under arrest for living with a husband in a single family dwelling,” seems to be a possible oxymoronic citation issued by a department of the same.

I could Barely Blink as I ponder how government continues to waste taxpayers’ dollars with their bureaucratic bullshit.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

A Rat Attack

After 41 years of autocratic leadership,

Libya'

s fearless tyrant, Muammar Gaddafi was wounded, dragged and taunted in the streets just before he was shot and killed. Gaddafi, who had tortured, hung and brutally executed hundreds of innocent people, was found [hiding] down in his sewer pipe hours before his slaying.

Ironically, Gaddafi treated folks like rats and in the end he became a rat hiding in a sewer pipe. I bet he could Barely Blink when he discovered that his pre-Halloween rat-in-a-hole stunt was not going to fly with those angry Libyan fighters. Payback ain't a bitch. It's a fucking rat!

Trouble In Kardashian Paradise

Ha! After a 10 million dollar wedding and just two months of marriage, Kim Kardashian and her NBA hubby, Kris Humphries are calling it quits. The couple filed for a divorce sighting irreconcilable differences.

I've got to hand it to those Kardashians. Their publicity stunts are brilliant! But, this one comes in a few inches short of the Ray J sex-tape scandal. Humphries could Barely Blink when he discovered that his wife [Kim] had filed for a divorce. Poor dude. I guess he couldn't measure up to her hoop dreams. Too bad he signed a prenuptial, because Kim's got a whole lot of a$$ets.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

The Exotic City of Zanesville

Last Wednesday, Ohio Government had more than unemployment to worry about. The City of Zanesville was being run by baboons! Frankly, this is nothing unusual for most U.S cities, but for the City of Zanesville, it was in-fact animals running the city and not government officials.

Lions, tigers, grizzlies and a host of exotic animals were set free in the countryside and later [all but two] shot by sheriff’s deputies after their owner had shot and killed himself as retaliation against neighbors and police. I bet the neighbors are Barely Blink-ing with those two animals still on the loose.

Moreover, I imagine Mexicans are a bit relieved, as the U.S. Government now has to focus their attention on another group of illegal immigrants.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Courtroom Thriller

Get a load of this courtroom thriller. As prosecutors continue to lay out their involuntary-manslaughter case against Conrad Murray, Michael Jackson’s personal doctor, more shocking details were revealed.

Murray could Barely Blink when Jackson’s bodyguard painted a grim picture of the final scene inside the King of Pop’s bedroom. According to his bodyguard, Murray yelled, “Does anyone know CPR?!” just before Jackson’s children walked in to see their father lifeless on his bed, an oxygen tube in his nose and a condom catheter attached to his dick to catch urine. That poor dude. It was probably the only thing his dick ever entered.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Mistresses vs. Witnesses for Dr. Conrad Murray

Things came to a head during the Dr. Conrad Murray trial, the doctor charged in the death of Pop superstar, Michael Jackson, when four women, all mistresses of Murray, took the stand. The model-like women, all apparent pin-ups for fashion magazines, rendered testimonies that discredited Murray’s innocence. The stream of mistresses bared such resemblance to the Tiger Woods’ soap opera drama; it leaves me to wonder how many more women are lurking in the woodworks.

Murray could barely blink when his sultry, main-squeeze pin-up told her tale of sex and lies [without the videotape], all while delivering an Anna Nicole Smith performance of dizzy, dumb blonde (in her case, dumb black).

Nonetheless, two things are very clear: 1) Murray had more women in Jackson’s bed than Jackson had little boys in it; and, 2) He doesn’t need to buy a turkey for Thanksgiving, because his goose is fucking cooked!