Barely Blink

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Batman - The Dark Knight Falls!

I could Barely Blink when I heard that some Mask-Man had created his own deadly movie theatrics, killing 12 and wounding 58 during the premiere of the new Batman film.

James Holmes, armed with an AR-15 assault rifle, gas mask and clad in black opened fire just after midnight on Friday at a theater filled with eager Batman filmgoers in Aurora, Colorado. Investigators believe that Holmes acted alone and describe him as a Lone Wolf—despite his preference to be “The Joker.”

The irony is, while Holmes decided to conceal his identity [during his theatre massacre], his own mother was quick to reveal it, “You have the right person," she told ABC News Reporters, “I need to call the police. … I need to fly out to Colorado.”

Holy crap, Batman! This Joker is screwed—not just screwed-the-fuck-up!! His cinematography days are over! The curtains have fallen on his act and will undoubtedly leave him behind in an iron dungeon filled with Mask Men, right before the State executes his ass!

Saturday, July 7, 2012

TomKat In A Split-Splat

I could Barely Blink over the media’s obsession with the recent split of one of Hollywood's most talked-about couples, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (“TomKat”). According to the Associated Press, Holmes filed for a divorce while Cruise was in Iceland.

I am neither interested, nor do I care about this TomKat split, but, I will say this… Kat (that Jackie Kennedy wannabe) must have known of Cruise’s Napoleonic complex. She must have known that she would fall prey to a dictating Scientology Jerk!

Word to the wise:

Shot gun weddings do not work;
A man 16 years a woman’s senior is destine to get dumped, especially if he is experiencing mid-life crisis. Her crisis becomes a plot to get rid of him before he turns fifty;
Never plan to celebrate your 50^th Birthday away from your wife. She has a plan too; and,
If you feel like you have met the man/woman of your dreams, avoid jumping up and down on Oprah’s couch or you might wind-up crying on it 5 years later.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Escaping Debt by Death

When Ex-Wall Street trader, Michael Marin was found guilty of setting his mansion on fire as a scheme to escape his mortgage debt, dude decided to take the law into his own hands. He sentenced himself to death by way of ingesting what appeared to be something he placed in his mouth, then, washed it down with a drink from a bottle he took into the courtroom. Minutes later, folks could Barely Blink when Marin suffered from a seizure and died.

What a fucking moron! Incidentally, Marin neglected to look on the bright side of his going to prison, which was, a roof over his head and his mortgage debt…GONE!

Monday, June 11, 2012

Explosive Catholic Mass

I could Barely Blink when—in the middle of a Catholic Mass—a homeless redneck strolled into the cathedral and yelled, “They should rape Jacqueline Kennedy. She is a bitch!!” I suppose an evil spirit was upon that imbecile, or perhaps his mental facility deficient from Prozac. Who on earth goes into a house of worship and hurtle such repugnant words?

Holy Communion! I find those Catholics to be too damn civilized. The Bishop, Priests, Alter boy…nobody budged. Not even a single parishioner challenged to throw that lunatic out. Meanwhile, I resisted the urge to yell right back, “Get the fuck out!!”

I imagine those Catholics would not have mind my French amidst their Latin chant. But, two wrongs do not make a right, except…1 confession, 2 rosaries, 5 penances and 10 Hail Mary’s. Yeah, so… I opted to shut the hell up!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

A Million (Minus One) Hoodies Rally

As the nation takes a stand against Sanford, FL Police’s failure to arrest George Zimmerman, who shot and killed 17-year-old Trayvon Martin on February 26—in what he claims was self-defense—New York City staged a “Million Hoodies” march in protest of Martin’s shooting.

Martin, who was black, was wearing a hooded sweat shirt, carrying only a bag of Skittles, iced tea and his cell phone when 28-year-old Zimmerman, who is not black, shot and killed him.

The tragedy sparked questions of race issues, calling Martin’s death a hate crime, and causing the NAACP to address allegations of police misconduct within in the Orlando suburb where Martin was killed.

In the meantime, civil-rights activist the Rev. Al Sharpton is at the helm of a “Million Hoodies” rally planned for [today] Thursday in the community where Martin was killed.

I could Barely Blink when I ponder, that, if a life depended on the Rev. Sharpton covering his Madam C. J. Walker processed hair at a “Hoodies” rally, I am certain that life would be loss.

Copyright © 2012 Barely Blink. All Rights Reserved.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

10 Reasons Why ABC Would Not Have A Black Bachelorette

She would have a barrage of gold teeth or no teeth contestants.
ABC would need to hire an Ebonics to English translator.
She would get drunk drinking Alizé and cuss the producers of the show out.
A 1992 Cadillac Coupe de Ville, with loud base, big rims and insane hydraulics would roll-up to the mansion.
She would bring her Mama, Uncle Freddie, Cousin Ray-Ray, Aunt Willa-Mae and daughter Shenika to stay in the mansion.
She would host wild parties and have a bunch of Hip-Hop artist clad in wife-beaters with their trousers falling off their asses.
The menu would consist of Fried Chicken, Ham Hocks and Chitlins.
There would undoubtedly be a Ghetto brawl.
Karrine Steffans aka “Super-head” would try to become the next Bachelorette, in order to obtain material for the release of Confessions of a Video Vixen—Ghetto Love, but she would not succeed because…
ABC would perform a Jack Kevorkian and pull the fucking plug on the entire show!

I could Barely Blink as I wonder what would happen if ABC decided to have a Latina Bachelorette. Hmm…

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Boehner’s Politics—A Crying Game

What the fuck? Is politics in Washington, DC becoming a Crying Game? Speaker, John Boehner shed tears when he succeeded Speaker, Nancy Pelosi back in January 2011 to become the Republican Speaker of the House of Representatives. He cried again, just yesterday, when Congresswomen Gabrielle Gifford, who suffered a gunshot wound last year at the hands of a would-be assassin, resigned from public office.

Could someone change the channel from Days of Our Lives to Reality TV for Boehner? He should be crying over the nations 8.5 unemployment rate, or, the fact that folks like Mitt Romney are earning $42 million a year.

Somebody needs to throw Boehner’s ass a handkerchief, because he will Barely Blink and very much need it when President Obama is re-elected, and the Democrats take possession of the House once again in November.