Barely Blink

Friday, November 9, 2012

Florida In A State of Delay

Thursday, November 8, 2012 – late afternoon just when the nation had finished celebrating or perhaps recovering from the news of President Barack Obama’s reelection, the State of Florida was finally releasing its election results.

I find this to be particularly interesting, considering the State of Alaska – four hours behind the State of Florida – wrapped up their voting results on election night, then, folks probably wandered off and stood by their windows to see Russia.

Perhaps Floridians staked-out polling stations in order to avoid another Penske rental truck scandal, while election officials inside the stations were forced to revert to a 48-hour ballot count!

Governor Romney could Barely Blink when he conceded. I imagine he held back tears, while plagued by thoughts of the magnitude of funds he lost on a useless campaign.

Ha! Time to retire to Florida, Mitt, because according to your wife, your political career is over! Perhaps Floridians would sympathize, and accept you as a resident. Although, I suspect it would take them a while before they could count you in.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Freak ‘n Naked Storm!

Tuesday, October 29, 2012 – I could Barely Blink when a swarm of teenagers stormed through the streets at 11:45 pm, amidst the dangerous Frankenstorm [Sandy], wearing nothing but bikinis and swim trunks.

If I were a young and dumb adventurous lad, I suppose I would egg this impishness on, or a squeamish girl with a fear of danger, I would yell out to them to get inside. But, I am only a resident in the City of Freak ‘n Madness. A city where defying normalcy can be a mark of distinction, a city that is governed by hand-shakes and puppet masters, a city where a looming storm caused its entire operations to cease and a bunch of idle teenagers to parade their pale skins in the middle of the streets—scantily clad in the name of fun or perhaps foolishness!

Forty-seven (47) degrees, in the middle of a storm, and, I assumed I had seen it all, when here comes this giant, chunky lad running as if he had scored a touchdown—minus his sportsman apparel. This fucking kid was naked! Ironically, his colossal frame made up for what he lacked in his jockstrap. This wiener must clearly be oblivious to the science of coldness and shrinkage.

Well, I’ll be damned! I certainly did not expect Sandy to cause this type of Freak ‘n Naked Storm, yet I cannot say that I am surprise... I could Barely Blink!

Friday, August 31, 2012

Oprah, The Queen of Fork

Ha! I could Barely Blink when I read that Media Mogul, Oprah Winfrey made an ignorant comment about Indians while on a recent visit to Mumbai for a segment of her new show, Oprah’s Next Chapter.

According to the Associated Press, The Queen of Talk bit off more than she could chew while dining with a courtly Mumbai family. In an effort to make small talk, Winfrey voiced her observation at the dinner table, “I hear some Indian people eat with their hands still.” Although the hosting family took no offense to Winfrey’s inquisitive comment, a surge of letters were published on CNN-IBN website from outraged Indians—mainly one who cited that Winfrey is, “myopic, unaware, ignorant, and gauche.”

The problem here is this. Using your hands to eat is a well established [ancient] Indian tradition, which Indians are not ashamed of. So, Winfrey should have picked up a ‘culture guide’ before she journeyed to the East with such gross Western ignorance!

Frankly, Winfrey might need a course in Table Etiquette 101. #1. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you! Or, next time, since she is so concerned about folks eating with their hands, pack a damn fork!

Friday, July 27, 2012

Olympic Flames for Mitt Romney

When Mitt Romney traveled to London on his first official trip as the presumptive Republican presidential nominee, things went way South before Romney realized he was way North. When asked whether London is ready for the 2012 Olympic Games, that jackass responded by saying there were “disconcerting” signs—implying that the Brits are unprepared.

Romney quickly sparked a fire burning faster than the Olympic flames, but the Brits extinguished it just as quickly, responding collectively to his unsavory comment.

Frankly, this is probably the sign of a Debutante with a silver spoon so far up his ass; he is out-of-touch and unable to relate to civilization. He could Barely Blink!

If I were the Brits, I would revoke his visa and deport his ass. However, Romney may have already sealed his presidential fate. That silver spoon jackass!

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Batman - The Dark Knight Falls!

I could Barely Blink when I heard that some Mask-Man had created his own deadly movie theatrics, killing 12 and wounding 58 during the premiere of the new Batman film.

James Holmes, armed with an AR-15 assault rifle, gas mask and clad in black opened fire just after midnight on Friday at a theater filled with eager Batman filmgoers in Aurora, Colorado. Investigators believe that Holmes acted alone and describe him as a Lone Wolf—despite his preference to be “The Joker.”

The irony is, while Holmes decided to conceal his identity [during his theatre massacre], his own mother was quick to reveal it, “You have the right person," she told ABC News Reporters, “I need to call the police. … I need to fly out to Colorado.”

Holy crap, Batman! This Joker is screwed—not just screwed-the-fuck-up!! His cinematography days are over! The curtains have fallen on his act and will undoubtedly leave him behind in an iron dungeon filled with Mask Men, right before the State executes his ass!

Saturday, July 7, 2012

TomKat In A Split-Splat

I could Barely Blink over the media’s obsession with the recent split of one of Hollywood's most talked-about couples, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (“TomKat”). According to the Associated Press, Holmes filed for a divorce while Cruise was in Iceland.

I am neither interested, nor do I care about this TomKat split, but, I will say this… Kat (that Jackie Kennedy wannabe) must have known of Cruise’s Napoleonic complex. She must have known that she would fall prey to a dictating Scientology Jerk!

Word to the wise:

Shot gun weddings do not work;
A man 16 years a woman’s senior is destine to get dumped, especially if he is experiencing mid-life crisis. Her crisis becomes a plot to get rid of him before he turns fifty;
Never plan to celebrate your 50^th Birthday away from your wife. She has a plan too; and,
If you feel like you have met the man/woman of your dreams, avoid jumping up and down on Oprah’s couch or you might wind-up crying on it 5 years later.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Escaping Debt by Death

When Ex-Wall Street trader, Michael Marin was found guilty of setting his mansion on fire as a scheme to escape his mortgage debt, dude decided to take the law into his own hands. He sentenced himself to death by way of ingesting what appeared to be something he placed in his mouth, then, washed it down with a drink from a bottle he took into the courtroom. Minutes later, folks could Barely Blink when Marin suffered from a seizure and died.

What a fucking moron! Incidentally, Marin neglected to look on the bright side of his going to prison, which was, a roof over his head and his mortgage debt…GONE!