Zimmerman Is The Man!!

A Florida jury delivered an excellent verdict [based on the evidence] acquitting George Zimmerman for the shooting death of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin. The prosecution, on the other hand, screwed the fuck up! What a fucking waste of law school!

Speaking of “screwed,” the evidence suggests that Zimmerman did not have to kill Trayvon, he needed to! Here is why…

Zimmerman is corrupted by his own fucking demons, which may have led him to proposition Martin for a Sen. Larry Craig, “wide stance” tryst, and as Martin dismissed the indecent proposal, Zimmerman feared his reputation would be at stake, so he got out of his vehicle and followed Martin to muzzle him for good.

Martin, disgusted by Zimmerman’s queer proposition, could Barely Blink, and proceeded to beat the crap out of Zimmerman, until Zimmerman unfortunately fired the deadly shot.

Zimmerman… Duuuuude…You’re the man!! I fashion you as an O.J. Simpson, one who got away with murder, or a Kevin Clash, a puppeteer who begs little boys to “tickle me Elmo,” behind close doors.

 
Copyright © 2013 Barely Blink. All Rights Reserved.

“Niederlage” for Serena Williams

Germany's C-list Tennis player, Sabine Lisicki served up a shocking defeat, beating World No.1 and five-time Wimbledon champion, Serena Williams.

Williams concede gracefully stating, "It's not a shock. She plays really good on grass,” yet, folks could Barely Blink!

Given the shocking defeat, one has to wonder whether Williams had a touch of German measles and became incapable of returning Lisicki’s balls. Perhaps, Williams should have bought a German Shepherd to scare Lisicki off, or feed her some savory German sausages just before the match.

Frankly, a marooned Lisicki stuck in a broken-down Volkswagen, somewhere in Germansville, would have secured a Williams win by default. However, I doubt whether Williams would join Lisicki for an early Oktoberfest celebration.

Glückwünsche, Lisicki!

Copyright © 2013 Barely Blink. All Rights Reserved.

What Might Be Lurking In PRISM Spy

As the nation stormed into frenzy after a whistleblower leaked info on the U.S. Government’s PRISM spy program – one which allows them to tap into all Americans cell phone and internet communication – I was wondering exactly who I need to befriend to see just what some of these shady Government Executives do in their spare time.

I imagine Kim Kardashian and Jenna Jameson’s explicit sex scenes are lurking somewhere in their Internet history. A little bit of Snoop Dogg and some Gangnam Style amidst their Fifty Shades of Grey. Some bedroom and bathroom antics, like the bobbing foot of Sen. Larry Craig, and a stance as wide as his male receiver.

Sexing, scheming, deceiving and a host of other indiscretions probably haunt folks like Governors Mark Sanford, Jim McGreevey, Eliot Spitzer and that douchebag Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I could Barely Blink as I wonder what might be hiding behind the cool swag of Barack Obama. Hmm…

Copyright © 2013 Barely Blink. All Rights Reserved.

Google Me on Bing

Dining at a local eatery a Bing (search engine) representative walked through the door and began taking a few hurry photos of the eatery. Hold the fuck up, Mr. Gilles Bensimon. I’ve got a Barely Blink reputation to protect, which involves not being seen at a cheesy eatery.

Frankly, I’ve got an identity to protect, but I take it neither is the least of Bing’s concern, as their mission [seemingly] is to upstage their competitor, Google. I cannot imagine Bing superseding Google, but an ambitious pursuit seems warranted all-the-same. 

Google has become so synonymous with conducting internet searches, so much so that I might catch a sexual assault if I were to ask a gal to Bing me, as oppose to Google me. Or, perhaps I could ask her to Google me on Bing. 

 
Copyright © 2013 Barely Blink. All Rights Reserved.

Amanda Knox is Guilty!!

Make no mistake about the composed and sympathetic looking Amanda Knox. That bitch is guilty!!

Convicted in Italy, in 2008 for the murder of her roommate Meredith Kercher, a British exchange student, Knox was released in October 2011 when her conviction was overturned. Knox was originally sentenced to 26 years in prison along with her then [Italian] boyfriend Raffaele Sollecito who received a 25-year sentence for the murder of Kercher. However, this past March, the Italian court overturned Knox’s acquittal and ordered a retrial at an appellate court in Florence.

 
I could Barely Blink when I saw a pensive Amanda Knox, cleverly crafting responses in her head to feed a curious Diane Sawyer on ABC News. Knox has written a pack-of-lies, I presume, in a book she released this month call, “Waiting to be Heard: A Memoir by Amanda Knox.”

There is no doubt [in my mind] that Knox’s bizarre behavior in the wake of her roommate’s grisly death is due to the fact that she is guilty! Perhaps she accidentally killed Kercher over some hair spray or maybe she caught Kercher eating the last slice of leftover pizza. After all, an authentic Italy pizza is… to die for. Who knows… could be some other dumb shit! But, for whatever it was, it was enough to trigger the Jekyll and Hyde in this Good Girl turned murder.

If I were the U.S. government, I would extradite Knox’s ass back to Italy. She would have to face the consequences of her murderous actions!

 
Copyright © 2013 Barely Blink. All Rights Reserved.

U.S. Congress In A Legal Bind

I could Barely Blink as Congress begins to stir things up with a number of tough decisions. Guns, gays and store-aways, all campaign reform promises President Obama might not be able to fulfill.

I propose the following:

Guns

Bring on the Colorado Dark Knight for a Batman blaze of glory up in Congress and we shall see how quickly these political Jokers endorse the Second Amendment.

Gays (Same-Sex Marriage)

Consider this. Vice President, Joe Biden frequently puts his foot in his mouth, yet everyone accepts him for his verbal follies and for being just Joe. My point is… who the fuck cares!

Store-Aways (Immigration)

Issue an executive order that would grant amnesty to illegal immigrants. Make it a national holiday and a nationwide party with tacos, burritos, nachos and a huge Uncle Tom piñata. This would keep frustrated Mexicans from taking their wives to the cliff Te-qui-la.
 
Copyright © 2013 Barely Blink. All Rights Reserved.

Oprah’s Lifeclass on Thin Ice

Flicking through my TV channels, I could Barely Blink when I encountered media mogul, Oprah Winfrey, and a woman famed for her in-your-face life coaching, Iyanla Vanzant, berating and cornering this Caucasian woman about the [in their opinion] bad choices she made in life on an episode of Oprah’s Lifeclass.

If this were the 60s, these two would be erased, and Vanzant stoned to death for her witchcraft-like intuitiveness amidst her bullying antics!

In 2011, Vanzant and Winfrey publically rekindled their friendship after an 11-year fall-out, and while Vanzant stated she was disappointed in Winfrey’s lack of support, Winfrey responded matter-of-factly that she did not know Vanzant sought her support. Ha! Just call Winfrey the B Word…a Billionaire who does not give a flying fuck about anyone – including her rent-a-husband, Stedman!

Here they are in 2013, bosom-buddies antagonizing white people. These two need to learn a lesson on the history of America’s Lifeclass… that they might be skating on some very thin, retaliatory Redneck ice!

 
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