Barely Blink: October 2011

Saturday, October 22, 2011

The Exotic City of Zanesville

Last Wednesday, Ohio Government had more than unemployment to worry about. The City of Zanesville was being run by baboons! Frankly, this is nothing unusual for most U.S cities, but for the City of Zanesville, it was in-fact animals running the city and not government officials.

Lions, tigers, grizzlies and a host of exotic animals were set free in the countryside and later [all but two] shot by sheriff’s deputies after their owner had shot and killed himself as retaliation against neighbors and police. I bet the neighbors are Barely Blink-ing with those two animals still on the loose.

Moreover, I imagine Mexicans are a bit relieved, as the U.S. Government now has to focus their attention on another group of illegal immigrants.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Courtroom Thriller

Get a load of this courtroom thriller. As prosecutors continue to lay out their involuntary-manslaughter case against Conrad Murray, Michael Jackson’s personal doctor, more shocking details were revealed.

Murray could Barely Blink when Jackson’s bodyguard painted a grim picture of the final scene inside the King of Pop’s bedroom. According to his bodyguard, Murray yelled, “Does anyone know CPR?!” just before Jackson’s children walked in to see their father lifeless on his bed, an oxygen tube in his nose and a condom catheter attached to his dick to catch urine. That poor dude. It was probably the only thing his dick ever entered.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Mistresses vs. Witnesses for Dr. Conrad Murray

Things came to a head during the Dr. Conrad Murray trial, the doctor charged in the death of Pop superstar, Michael Jackson, when four women, all mistresses of Murray, took the stand. The model-like women, all apparent pin-ups for fashion magazines, rendered testimonies that discredited Murray’s innocence. The stream of mistresses bared such resemblance to the Tiger Woods’ soap opera drama; it leaves me to wonder how many more women are lurking in the woodworks.

Murray could barely blink when his sultry, main-squeeze pin-up told her tale of sex and lies [without the videotape], all while delivering an Anna Nicole Smith performance of dizzy, dumb blonde (in her case, dumb black).

Nonetheless, two things are very clear: 1) Murray had more women in Jackson’s bed than Jackson had little boys in it; and, 2) He doesn’t need to buy a turkey for Thanksgiving, because his goose is fucking cooked!