Barely Blink: 2011

Thursday, December 1, 2011

The Big Bad Housing Police

I am not sure that I understand the reason for Housing Authority Police, especially the part where they pull you over while driving.

With both hands on the staring wheel, she seemed like a driver stuck in traffic encumbered by the aftermath of a college football game. Humdrum, she waited for the cinnamon bun eating law enforcer to issue a citation.

What is the charge? I wondered. Did she leave the dishwasher on? Forgot to pay a utility bill? Left the cat on the balcony? Burned some water? And, why do we need Housing Authority Police for this? What happen to the regular State or County police?

“You are under arrest for living with a husband in a single family dwelling,” seems to be a possible oxymoronic citation issued by a department of the same.

I could Barely Blink as I ponder how government continues to waste taxpayers’ dollars with their bureaucratic bullshit.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

A Rat Attack

After 41 years of autocratic leadership,

Libya'

s fearless tyrant, Muammar Gaddafi was wounded, dragged and taunted in the streets just before he was shot and killed. Gaddafi, who had tortured, hung and brutally executed hundreds of innocent people, was found [hiding] down in his sewer pipe hours before his slaying.

Ironically, Gaddafi treated folks like rats and in the end he became a rat hiding in a sewer pipe. I bet he could Barely Blink when he discovered that his pre-Halloween rat-in-a-hole stunt was not going to fly with those angry Libyan fighters. Payback ain't a bitch. It's a fucking rat!

Trouble In Kardashian Paradise

Ha! After a 10 million dollar wedding and just two months of marriage, Kim Kardashian and her NBA hubby, Kris Humphries are calling it quits. The couple filed for a divorce sighting irreconcilable differences.

I've got to hand it to those Kardashians. Their publicity stunts are brilliant! But, this one comes in a few inches short of the Ray J sex-tape scandal. Humphries could Barely Blink when he discovered that his wife [Kim] had filed for a divorce. Poor dude. I guess he couldn't measure up to her hoop dreams. Too bad he signed a prenuptial, because Kim's got a whole lot of a$$ets.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

The Exotic City of Zanesville

Last Wednesday, Ohio Government had more than unemployment to worry about. The City of Zanesville was being run by baboons! Frankly, this is nothing unusual for most U.S cities, but for the City of Zanesville, it was in-fact animals running the city and not government officials.

Lions, tigers, grizzlies and a host of exotic animals were set free in the countryside and later [all but two] shot by sheriff’s deputies after their owner had shot and killed himself as retaliation against neighbors and police. I bet the neighbors are Barely Blink-ing with those two animals still on the loose.

Moreover, I imagine Mexicans are a bit relieved, as the U.S. Government now has to focus their attention on another group of illegal immigrants.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Courtroom Thriller

Get a load of this courtroom thriller. As prosecutors continue to lay out their involuntary-manslaughter case against Conrad Murray, Michael Jackson’s personal doctor, more shocking details were revealed.

Murray could Barely Blink when Jackson’s bodyguard painted a grim picture of the final scene inside the King of Pop’s bedroom. According to his bodyguard, Murray yelled, “Does anyone know CPR?!” just before Jackson’s children walked in to see their father lifeless on his bed, an oxygen tube in his nose and a condom catheter attached to his dick to catch urine. That poor dude. It was probably the only thing his dick ever entered.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Mistresses vs. Witnesses for Dr. Conrad Murray

Things came to a head during the Dr. Conrad Murray trial, the doctor charged in the death of Pop superstar, Michael Jackson, when four women, all mistresses of Murray, took the stand. The model-like women, all apparent pin-ups for fashion magazines, rendered testimonies that discredited Murray’s innocence. The stream of mistresses bared such resemblance to the Tiger Woods’ soap opera drama; it leaves me to wonder how many more women are lurking in the woodworks.

Murray could barely blink when his sultry, main-squeeze pin-up told her tale of sex and lies [without the videotape], all while delivering an Anna Nicole Smith performance of dizzy, dumb blonde (in her case, dumb black).

Nonetheless, two things are very clear: 1) Murray had more women in Jackson’s bed than Jackson had little boys in it; and, 2) He doesn’t need to buy a turkey for Thanksgiving, because his goose is fucking cooked!

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Black Bieber

When the fuck did they turn Justin Bieber into a little Black kid? I could Barely Blink when Bieber, the little Blackstreet Boy from Ontario, Canada, thanked God and Jesus at the MTV Video Music Awards, and concluded that he was thankful for being in the same category with "all of 'em"—his fellow talented artists.

Bieber swagged his way on and off stage rocking some super low red jeans with a black T-Shirt, velvet collared blazer, some Daddy Bush [reading] glasses and a tiny snake in his hand. That's a kid who's fucking confused! What's next? A gold tooth, multiple tattoos, a few brushes with the law, an entourage of money sucking Homies and a couple of freaks?

Maybe he'll be the only White kid who would grow up to become a Black man. After all, Michael Jackson accomplished the reverse.

Monday, August 22, 2011

A Change is Coming

The Obama Administration is slowly crumbling. Re-election for President Obama is beginning to look like a shot at winning the Mega Million—with the help of a weekly co-workers pool.

A failed stimulus package, a health-care bill that no one really agrees with and an almost trillion-dollar deficit has put a wedge in his Mr. Cool politics. As William Broyles said in his Newsweek article, “Americans aren’t inspired by well-meaning weakness.” In my opinion, America needs a pragmatic leader. One who would make firm decisions and not give a fuck about right- or left-wing politics!

To put it bluntly,

America

needs a madman, a man like Lyndon B. Johnson or George W. Bush who would create a crazy-ass plan and demand a firm execution without wavering! After all, mad is close to genius. But, in George W. Bush's case, mad is meritocracy.

For Obama, genius is apparently, not knowing his presidency is collapsing. He might need to pull a Nixon and quit while he’s ahead! These days, he could Barely Blink without being reminded of the economy crisis he cannot seem to fix. Poor dude, a change is certainly coming.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

The Legal System Is Guilty!

Who are folks actually angry with, Casey Anthony for being acquitted of murder, or the judicial system and its cohorts for their lack to exhibit proof beyond a reasonable doubt that Anthony murdered her 2-year-old daughter, Caylee? All this courthouse melee and folks shouting, “We want justice,” should be redirected to the State prosecutors who fucked-up! The State of Florida should put those incompetent bastards on trail for wasting taxpayers' money.

In the meantime, Anthony could Barely Blink, when she discovered that she was acquitted. A tearful Anthony deserves an Oscar for her real-life Joan Crawford performance in, I Murdered Caylee, That Little Bitch!

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Princess Diana Digitally Aged?

The media seems to be enamored by Newsweek’s so-called creative, but, unflattering photo of Princess Diana [what she would look like at age 50] standing next to Kate Milldeton, Duchess of Cambridge.

The concept is not only a royal mockery, it is downright creepy! I am sure the Duchess of Cambridge would prefer to preserve images of her decease mother-in-law as the woman she was, rather than the woman she would be—as depicted by these Newsweek bullshit artists.

If I was the CEO of Newsweek, I would fire the mindless idiots who created the photo, and have that cover pulled before anyone could Barely Blink!

Friday, July 1, 2011

Mr. Trojan Horse

Strauss-Kahn, you’re the man! But you fu*ked-up! You fashioned yourself for a Greek Emperor who tried to truss his Trojan horse into the wrong city. She’s a lady, not a subservient French whore. What did you expect?

I heard prostitution is perfectly legal in France, but this is America, buddy. You would need to assume a Bad-Boy alias, like, “Client 9,”“John ‘Dick-Shit’ Edwards,” or “Bill ‘Cigar-Butt’ Clinton.” It’s too late for that now. It looks like you are about to get a U.S. Government Suite at Riker’s Island (RI), befitting to house all of your hotel dreams, with a slew of RI inmates willing to support them. Dude, you are going to Barely Blink when those RI inmates enter Troy with their wooden horses!

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