Barely Blink: November 2012

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

“Tickle Me Elmo!”

Get a load of this! Kevin Clash, the puppeteer behind Sesame Street’s adorable, furry, red monster, Elmo, resigns on Tuesday amidst allegations that he sexually abused underage boys.

Ironically, Clash has been working behind small bodies for many years, causing his seemingly precocious act to trigger bountiful fantasies that made dainty-little boys beg Elmo to “tickle them.”

While puppet master, Clash has admitted to being gay, his sexual behavior with a [then] 15-year old boy and another lad who said he had sex with Clash when he was 16—but recanted his statement—has Clash in statutory hot waters!

I feel sorry for poor Elmo. I could Barely Blink, as I cannot imagine him behind bars. He would turn from bright red to prison orange, scarred with tattoos and a bandana on his head, while his master, Mr. Clash, enjoys a quotidian play of “tickle me Elmo.”

Friday, November 9, 2012

Florida In A State of Delay

Thursday, November 8, 2012 – late afternoon just when the nation had finished celebrating or perhaps recovering from the news of President Barack Obama’s reelection, the State of Florida was finally releasing its election results.

I find this to be particularly interesting, considering the State of Alaska – four hours behind the State of Florida – wrapped up their voting results on election night, then, folks probably wandered off and stood by their windows to see Russia.

Perhaps Floridians staked-out polling stations in order to avoid another Penske rental truck scandal, while election officials inside the stations were forced to revert to a 48-hour ballot count!

Governor Romney could Barely Blink when he conceded. I imagine he held back tears, while plagued by thoughts of the magnitude of funds he lost on a useless campaign.

Ha! Time to retire to Florida, Mitt, because according to your wife, your political career is over! Perhaps Floridians would sympathize, and accept you as a resident. Although, I suspect it would take them a while before they could count you in.